You know how when you thought you know someone, that someone proves you wrong? Maybe its just me... That I have been too naive/nice/shallow/inexperience to see beyond the surface of things/relations/people. That I expect & believe people are nice till proven wrong, so much so that I find excuses for their behaviour ... That what was in the past may not be what is now... That people change... That you should see beyond how people treat yourself, instead see how people treat everyone to know their character...
One of my colleagues left in September. Still kinda miss him, because there are very few such nice considerate people at my workplace that I can relate to. With my current lack of enthuse in work, I am not sure if I may push myself deeper into becoming depressed. But I know I have a high level of mental endurance, its just that sometimes its so painful but I cannot cry (since at work you see) that my heart is just crying silently. I guess it is just my gloomy perspective, enforced by peer pressure & to meet work standards & projects.
Of course, I have my counter-balances. I believe my character leans towards joy & optimism by nature, thus if I cannot find it at work, work becomes secondary to me. (Alas my boss & seniors dun think so, thus OT is still in sigh) I have my books, my friends, my family and my dear darling for comfort. Ha even spending a day at home resting, with family or a book or by myself is enough to bring my spirits back up.
Ha and this is only my 1st job... There are layers & layers of truths in the workplace, one can never be sure what is really happening. Who said you needed passion in work? I believe at least 50% of people out there do not have passion in their jobs. To students out there, please DO NOT believe that your 1st job will be a rose-tinted experience, the more pragmatic you are, the less hit you will be. Maybe someday I will find my calling. Currently I am just trying to fit into the rat race, be it if I am the last rat in the race, as long as I have tried my best & am contented with my life, who has the rights to reprimand me for being the last rat?
I am still me, just a tired and maybe weary me.
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3 comments:
there's nothing much i can say, except to jia you n i hope u can truly take some time to apply for jobs tat will bring u more comfort. cheers!
You sound quite down. I hope that everything is still alright for you. Meet up for a drink one day soon? =)
Im ok I guess. Just venting stress/letting off steam online. Happy b'lated bday btw~
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